by Buz Whelan
So here we are at the end of January 2015. According to statistics, 96% of all this year’s New Year’s resolutions have already been broken. Okay, so I made that up. But you can bet most are already forgotten. Did you make any? Have you kept it or them? Well, if you haven’t don’t feel guilty. You’re in enormously populous company. Almost nobody keeps these resolutions. But it’s not the fault of weak will, lack or resolve or self-discipline. No, the fault is in the resolutions themselves. People make resolutions year after year that are just too damn hard to keep. Stuff like “I’m gonna quit smoking,” or “I’m gonna lose weight.” maybe it’s being nicer to strangers and that vanishes with the first confrontation with an asshole in the supermarket. The secret to keeping resolutions is to make the right resolutions. With that in my mind we present a list of “10 Resolutions Even You Can Keep.” Hope it helps.
Ten New Year’s Resolutions Even You Can Keep

1. Gain 5 pounds

2. Read less
3. Procrastinate religiously
4. Drive like there were no police
5. Increase alcohol consumption
6. Spend money recklessly
7. Watch more porn
8. Smokers: smoke more
9. Give less to charity
10. Cheat on your significant other
11. Anger more easily
12. Break wind with abandon
Good luck.

When is this ever a good thing?