Monthly Archives: September 2013

September 28, 2013 Monthly Open Board of Directors Meeting

meeting[1]By Buz Whelan

President Alex Leslie called the meeting to order at 9:34 am on a beautiful fall Saturday. He began the meeting by telling the room that this President’s Message would be different from the usual. He then went on to describe, in somewhat vague terms, emails that seemed intended to undermine the board in general and himself in specific. He spoke of accusations of employees with arrest records, messages that hinted or charged outright that he and the board were not doing their due diligence in checking applicants’ backgrounds. He insisted that all prospective full time hires are given the same standard check and that one employee who had been singled out in the aforementioned emails had an arrest record that was made up of traffic violations. He also cited a recent Liquor Control Board surprise visit and inspection in which the association was given a warning. The initial warning contained comments on smoking violations and ‘gambling’ (bingo) violations. After a subsequent check of the law as written it was determined that as a private club we were not in violation of either smoking or gambling violations, and only an opened bottle in a restricted location remained in the citation. In all probability there will be a follow-up re-inspection, which the President is confident we will pass. He will be speaking with the association attorney on the matter.

As he concluded his remarks, the president expressed his belief that the emails indicated a lack of support for his leadership. He pointed out how easily he could be replaced and then, as chair, called for a motion to that effect. None was made.

Treasurer Earl Frank reported that aside from the Emerald Bar & Grill, we are currently under budget in all departments by the amount of $61,000. He said that the Bar & Grill have lost $12,000 in the first 4 months of the fiscal year. Some of this can be explained by overstocking caused by overly optimistic business projections. He also said that collections of delinquencies are far ahead of last year and if they remain on track we will collect over $100,000 more than fiscal year 2012/2013.

During the Committee Reports, Finance and Planning Committee liaison Frank relayed a number of recommendations from that committee. Chief among these was a declaration by the committee that a dues increase was not needed and that the committee would not participate in the upcoming Town Hall Meeting. The committee also reminded the board of their previous recommendation that swipe fees be charged to those members using credit cards to pay their dues, since the association receives a charge back commonly referred to as the discount. The swipe fees would compensate for that. The committee also reminded that they had recommended all late fees be raised from the current 10% to 15%, the maximum allowed by law. Of the more controversial recommendations were those involving the Community Center. One recommendation was that the center be closed for approximately 5 years with the money saved put into a building fund for a new state-of-the-art building, perhaps combining activity, meeting and administration venues. Another was to close the bar and grill or just the grill. Still another was to close the center for a year and use that savings to do necessary improvements.

Events Committee chair Stefania Johnson reported that the “Dancing with the Stars” event brought in $700 in revenue. Maintenance Committee Chair Bob Leon spoke of the committee’s task of ranking the major projects facing the association by priority. He also requested that the committee name be changed to the Property Management Committee with the committee assuming the responsibilities of the defunct Architectural Review Committee and the ad hoc Energy Conservation Committee. CrimeWatch chair Cookie Litwienski called for volunteers saying she was down to a committee of one.

Under Old Business the board passed a resolution filling the vacancy of resigned Director Joe Miller with the Annual Meeting’s first runner-up Margaret Fitzgerald. A resolution awarding the 2013/2014 paving contract to winning bidder Wayco was also passed. Wayco’s low bid was for $212,220.13 for road paving and $63,811.71 for the compactor area. The four road areas are Clover between Clearview and Sullivan Trail, Clearview from Clearview (no, that’s not a typo) to Clover, Glade from Roads End to Bull Run and the Glade/Ivy intersection.

Secretary Carmen Broadnax reported on a project to identify all Clause 15 properties and determine their status relative to the association. According to Broadnax, the deed covenants of these properties ran out in June of 1987. Ms. Broadnax explained that this is a slow, tedious process involving a great deal of research, including trips to the county recorder.

A reserve spending plan will be prepared when feedback from the F&P and Maintenance Committees on major project costs and priorities is received.

Under New Business the board passed goals and objectives for the standing committees and the ad hoc bylaws committee. Rules and Regulations were charged with eliminating redundancies and ensuring our regs are in harmony with the townships. Events was charged with producing a 2014/2015 annual schedule of events by early February so that the expected costs could be included in the budget. Maintenance and Finance and Planning were both charged with reviewing the latest reserve study and prioritizing projects using that as a guide. Bylaws was charged with producing a workable absentee ballot process. The board also approved new committee chairs, including Stefania Johnson for Events, Bob Leon for Maintenance, and Mark Davis for Real Estate. The Finance and Planning and Bylaws committees have not yet selected new chairs.

After public comments the meeting was adjourned.

Local Man ID’d as Right Guy to F*#& With


EMERALD LAKES, Pennsylvania (FNS) People in this sleepy mountain village have named Patsy Fallguy as the right guy to fuck with. Says neighbor Barb Dwyer, “If there ever was a right guy to fuck with, Patsy is that man. He’s afraid of his own shadow. I’ve never even heard him raise his voice, ever. He is so timid.” Her brother Guy Dwyer agrees, adding, “He’s so weak, he can’t lift his spirits. Plus, he throws like a girl. A very young, unathletic girl.”  FNS tried to speak to Fallguy to get his take on all this, but was unable to reach him. Knocks on the door only produced an eyeball spotted between bent venetian blinds.

ELA’s Dancing With the Stars

Stefania Johnson

The ELA dancers.

The ELA dancers.


On Saturday, September 21 Emerald Lakes hosted our very own version of Dancing With the Stars, and discovered that we have quite a bit of talent in our community! This evening of fun began at 5 pm with a buffet dinner and, by the time of the show, there was standing room only in the dining room and bar.

Judges, Amelia, Ana and Destini made their way to the judges tables to prepare their judges paddles (1 = not so good, 5= ok, 10= excellent) for the kids’ performances, but first up were Linda and Wayne Koslowski. Although they were not competing, they have trained

Wayne and Linda Koslowski

Wayne and Linda Koslowski

in ballroom-style dancing for 6 years. They danced a swing number to Moondance by Van Morrison.

First up for the kids’ competition were the Bat Girls (Teyanna Green, Gabby Skidmore, Brianna and Samantha Castro), who did a remix version of The Cupid Slide (final score, perfect score of 30). At the end of the show, they were tied for 1st place. Next we had Zandee, (Xandria Adams), who performed to the song Wings by Little Mix and earned a second place title (final score, 28). And finally, D Kool, (Dylan Colford) performed a DJ Scooter ReMix of Michael Jackson’s Thriller with makeup and glove to boot! (final score, perfect score of 30). The tie drove a freestyle dance that the audience called for and, after their amazing freestyle dancing, I decided to give them both 1st place and will purchase additional 1st place trophies for both acts.

The Kids' Competition

The Kids’ Competition

We then closed the curtain for Ms. Silhouette’s (Heather Kelly) Intermission performance of an amazing modern jazz dance viewed through the see-through curtain. The song was Sail by AWOL Nation. When the curtains were opened again for the Adult Acts, our next judges took the stand. Adult Acts Judges (Sheri Ornitz, Cookie and Eileen Avrich) scored just like the actual DWTS competition.

First up was MJ Robot (Marquie Jardine) with a Mime/Robot style which showed amazing precision, performed to the song Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. (final score, 29). Our second act was The AWA Water Babes (Arlene Ciervo, Clara Bryantt, Joan Gregorio, Kathy Banghart

and their fearless leader, Heather Kelly) who did a mixed artist/music dance to the Twist, NY NY, Ring My Bell and finally, Skinny Dippin. They kicked off their shoes and dressed up with yellow sunflowers in their hair! (final score 25) The third act was our very own sous chef, Cool Runnngs (aka Bremmer) with a freestyle dance to As Your Friend by Chris Brown. His R&B/Pop style dance made the girls in the crowd go wild, especially when he took off his shirt and threw away his hat during the performance. (Final score: 27). Then came The Duet (Heather Kelly and Dennis Green), who did a Merengue Freestyle number to Calabria by Enur that was both spicy and fun (Final score: Perfect Score of 30). Finally, we had an encore

The Adult competition acts

The Adult competition acts

with MJ Robot who brought his cousin out with him. Although he performed before, he wanted to add a little more fun to the show before our closing performance. Although we didn’t count his score in this act, he received a 28 for this one.

The final tally gave us The Duet in first place, followed by MJ Robot in second, and Cool Runnings in third.

Before we closed out the show, I mentioned the recent news of John Belly’s passing and we had a minute of silence and requested prayers for his wife and family. I then acknowledged all involved in the preparation and execution of the show and urged our guests to get involved and make a difference in the community by taking time to be involved. We really believed this show demonstrated to all what our community is all about!

After the trophies were awarded, our final performance brought out all the performers to do “The Wobble”. We pulled audience members up out of their seats and onto the dance floor dance to join us. The show ended at around 8:45pm, when we opened the dance floor for the after party!

Ten More Foods That Are Just Meh

What flavor is green jello, anyway?

What flavor is green jello, anyway?

1. Guacamole dip

2. Scones

3. Boiled rice

4. S’mores

5. Scrapple

6. Sweet potato/marshmallow casserole

Also good for smoothing the calluses on your feet.

Also good for smoothing the calluses on your feet.

7. Jello mold salad

8. Irish soda bread

9. Vegetarian Lasagna

10. Carrot cake

11. Ritz crackers

12. Baked ziti

13. Macaroni salad

14. Rice cakes

Woof-Stock 2013

Lola Lauri

Board Members Margaret Fitzgerald and June Solla, Former Board Member Robert Lauri, along with Spartacus and Shelby (Shelby was a little camera shy.)

Board Members Margaret Fitzgerald and June Solla, Former Board Member Robert Lauri, along with Spartacus and Shelby (Shelby was a little camera shy.)

On Saturday, September 8, Camp KCS on Long Pond Road hosted Woofstock to benefit the Monroe Animal League.  Neighbors from Emerald Lakes joined hundreds of others in a day-long celebration of our canine friends. Vendors offered dog treats, portraits, and even personality profiles for your pets.  PMRPD

Mark Mecca of Identity Crisis

Mark Mecca of Identity Crisis

had their K9 unit there, and the Jubilee restaurant and others provided food and drinks. Local bands provided music, including Identity Crisis (, with singer and saxophonist Mark Mecca, who is an ELA resident.  And, of course, dogs.  Big dogs, little dogs, dogs of every size and color.  Blankets

Some of the friendly neighbors that enjoyed the event.

Some of the friendly neighbors that enjoyed the event.

and camp chairs were spread out on the lawn and neighbors and their puppies spent the afternoon socializing and learning more about the products and services available to dog owners in our community.  Please support the Monroe Animal League  and Camp KCS for their hard work in bringing us this delightful day, and for all their hard work in helping the animals we love.



Boasters Often Exaggerate, Study Shows

WEARAMY, Wyoming (FNS) A study conducted here at Northeast Western Wyoming State College and Air Conditioning Institute produced shocking results on the behavior of boasters. Apparently not satisfied with proclaiming their actual accomplishments boasters often exaggerate them, even to the point of what might be viewed as prevarication. According to Communication Studies Professor Henry Higgins, a study of over 700 braggarts showed that more than 99% bolstered their stories by reporting facts inaccurately. In all cases, the inaccuracies favored the boaster and increased the unusualness of the anecdote. Among the distortions were raising the size of a bear sighted or fish caught, increasing the number of sexual partners, and minimizing the number of times the speaker failed to attain an erection. In a companion study conducted by Associate Professor Stan Still it was found that boaster also routinely embellished their credentials on job applications. “I found it shocking that these people would actually lie on a job application, “ said Still, “Apparently they have no shame. They exaggerated their education, their work experience and even claimed to have received honors and recognition they had not. Totally shocking.”

U.K./U.S. Breakup: What Happened?

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia & LONDON, England (FNS) According to U.S. President Barack Obama, the news came out of nowhere. “I thought we were getting along so well. I thought we had a great future together. I didn’t expect this at all.” What the President was talking about was the sudden split between the United Kingdom and the United States. It began with a late night phone call, Thursday, August 29th. As the President answered the phone he heard the voice of the British Prime Minister on the other end. “We have to talk,” said David Cameron, uttering the dreaded phrase that has preceded breakups for generations. Obama admits to feeling a knot in his stomach immediately. “I could tell by his words and his tone of voice that something was terribly wrong. But I kept hoping it wouldn’t be anything final,” said the President. But it wasn’t to be. “I won’t drag this out,” said Cameron, “I owe you that much. I respect you enough to give it to you straight. I’m afraid this isn’t working out.” The President tried desperately to hold on. “We can change,” he said, “We can talk this out. I’m sure we can make it work.” But Cameron was firm. “It’s not about you,” he replied, uttering the phrase first said by Henry VIII to Ann Boleyn. “It’s us. We need time to think. I’m not saying it’s absolutely, finally over. But we need some time. We need some space. I’m sorry.” Trying to hold onto the last shred of his dignity, the teary eyed Obama said he understood. “I suppose I should have seen this coming. I mean, we never talk anymore. And you always seem busy when I try to get together. Let me ask you this: is there someone else?” “No, it isn’t that. There isn’t anyone,” replied the PM. “I mean it’s not like we’re going with anyone. But I think it’s best if we both see other countries.” After insisting that the U.S. would be waiting should the U.K. change its mind the President bid the PM goodbye saying, “We have such great memories together. I’ll always cherish them, whatever you finally decide.”

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