Cat House Raided

      ELDERVILLE, Pennsylvania(FNS) Acting on complaints from neighbors, county health officials raided a home in this small rural community. Inspectors were horrified to find a cat living with 31 elderly women. The cat, named Raymond, had no explanation for the conditions the officials found. “The smells were overpowering,” said Lt. Boris Tudeth of the Blather County Health Orifice.

“The odor of boiled meat and those vegetables nobody likes – like turnips and brussel sprouts – filled the house. In the bedrooms the smells of talcum powder and supermarket perfume were choking.”

The house is a fin de siècle Victorian mansion with a dozen bedrooms and three parlors. Doilies were everywhere and antimacassars draped casually over the backs of straight-backed chairs with ornate floral print upholstery and intricately-carved mahogany frames, now faded from time. The scared and confused ladies wandered aimlessly as inspectors tried to herd them outside to waiting vans that would take them to a no-kill shelter. One 87 year-old-named Tabby asked if this were the bus to Atlantic City. Another, 91-year-old Socks kept saying, “Dad will be back soon” over and over. Only 83-year-old Puff seemed grounded, telling the inspectors, “I kept telling Raymond there were too many of us. Sometimes we didn’t get fed on time. It was too much for him.”

As the vans pulled away with Raymond and the ladies neighbor C. N. Tell told reporters, “There was always funny smells and odd noises coming from that house. Maybe now we can get back to normal.”

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Posted on November 2, 2012, in Nearly News and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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