SMALLTON, Pennsylvania (FNS) A local man has told friends and neighbors that he has never once thought about what he would do with the money if he won the lottery even though he admits he occasionally purchases tickets, especially when the prize is over $100 million. Boris Meeh, who operates a light bulb repair business out of his home in this sleepy Northeastern Pennsylvania town, says he thinks it’s a waste of time to dream of such things. “Hey, if I win, I’ll figure out what to do with the money. Why bother with dreaming? It’s just a waste of time.”

Neighbor Sue Spishus isn’t so sure. “He’s always saying stuff like that. I mean he says he never mentally undressed a woman. Claims he never wished nobody dead. You believe that? I’ll sell you that crick down yonder if you do.” But best friend Howdy Thinkit says it just might be true. “Bo is a different sort of guy. You know, he told me he’s never masturbated. That’s pretty unusual around these parts. I mean, there ain’t much to do on Saturday nights. Or any other nights, if you get my drift. And another thing, he says he never, ever thought about what happens to you after you die. So, just maybe, he never did no thinkin’ on winning the big one. I sure have, though.”