LONG POND, Pennsylvania (FNS) A Christian critic, known for voicing his displeasure with Heavenly decisions released a statement Thursday criticizing the timing of the resurrection. Iben N. Esshol told FNS that God had it all wrong over 2,000 years ago. “Look,” said Iben, “think of the situation. You’re God, for His sake. You know everything, you know the future. You’re sending your only son down to Earth to die a horrible death and redeem the sins of mankind. You’re going to raise him from the dead, and you know this is going to be a pretty big deal. You know it’s gonna be a holiday for thousands of years in the future. And you pick a SUNDAY? That’s the best you come up with? You can’t leave the Kid down there for another 24 hours so people could have a 3 day weekend almost forever? That is really piss poor planning. I’m sorry but I gotta call ‘em as I see ‘em. Easter is a bogus ‘holiday.’ The Big Guy screwed up on this one.”