Map of number of electoral votes by state after redistricting from the 2000 census. Modified by User:Theshibboleth for the font to be consistent with electoral maps. Edited with Inkscape. Reuploaded by User:King of Hearts to correct spelling (vs. Image:Electorial map.svg). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

CHICAGO, Illinois (FNS) The Obama campaign, though not the President himself, is demanding a recount of the election results. Top advisors were stunned by what they judged as the closeness of the final tally and have so far refused to believe the totals. Particularly excised are the two Davids, top advisors Axelrod and Plouffe. Said Axelrod, “I can’t believe this guy got 206 electoral votes. I mean this is a party that believes life begins at last call. I’m very disappointed. I figured he might get a hundred votes, but I expected Goldwater numbers.” Strategist David Plouffe was equally surprised. “I know the polls showed it was going to be a close election, but those were from know-nothing predictors. The Romney team had no ground game. They had a nice haircut that looked good in a suit. That’s it. No substance at all. No details on how these ’12 million jobs’ would be created. All smoke and mirrors. Wouldn’t release those tax returns because it was easier to stonewall than explain what was in them. Ran one campaign in the primary, than etch-a-sketched his way to the general election. People couldn’t see this? Hard to believe. I guess we have to accept the 332 to 208, but I’ll never understand it.”

Whether they actually file a recount request is anything but a sure thing. Nobody likes a sore winner. And according to campaign spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter, “I think we all just have to lay low and cool it. So we didn’t win as big as we hoped or expected. We still have that big white house for four more years. Be thankful for the little things.”

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