RED NECK, New Jersey (FNS) Fender University, New Jersey’s premier aggressive driving institution announced today that it will hold an extension class in Pennsylvania’s beautiful Pocono Mountains. The standard two week course, including both classroom and field work, will be compressed to 5 days. The cost is $250 per person, or $225 each for families of five or more. Located in New Jersey’s Pine Barrens, nicknamed the Appalachia of the Northeast, the school has graduated over 5,000 angry drivers. Fender President and Dean of Students Ben D. Dick boasts, “We are the best there is at what we do. More than 50% of all road rage incidents in New Jersey involve at least one FU graduate. You can’t argue with the numbers.” If you expect an easy, undemanding week of instruction, you don’t know Dick. Course work includes sign and signal recognition, variations on horn harassment, proper ways to use hand signals to express disdain or anger, tailgating techniques and rapid lane-changing. After 3 rigorous days of class work, students are paired with experienced instructors and taken to highways for hands-on roadwork. Bump-and-run tactics, intimidation through tailgating and near-miss sideswiping, lane jumping and best ways to cut off other drivers are emphasized and practiced until students are proficient in all types of aggressive driving.

For those who insist on the complete course conducted at the South Jersey campus, registration can be done on line at www.nutsodriving.com. The cost of the full deal is $500 per person and includes lunches and weeknight accommodation at a modestly-priced motel in the area. Also included is a tour of the area and visits to the known and suspected burial sites of some of New Jersey’s most admired men of respect. Extras not included in the tuition but available for separate purchase include fast food dinners, evening visitation by experienced and understanding professional companions and cable tv. Says recent graduate Allen Rench, “Anyone listening to Dick will know this: If you’re serious about aggressive driving, you have to say ‘FU.’”