Oscar Aftermath

HOLLYWOOD, California (FNS) Oscar after parties can be as interesting as the awards event itself. At the Vanity Fair gala, loser Steven Spielberg

Just be happy I couldn't find a picture of braised bison testicles!

Just be happy I couldn’t find a picture of braised bison testicles!

could be heard describing actors as, “a bunch of phonies pretending to be people they’re not. I hate having to work with them, but at least I get to be their boss. That’s the best thing about directing.”

Jennifer Lawrence was out for revenge after being embarrassed on international TV by Seth MacFarlane’s opening number, “We saw your boobs.” She walked up to MacFarlane and sang in his face, “I’ve seen your package, I saw your lackage, I’ve seen your weenie, it’s really teenie.” The best actress and dress tripper then danced around the party for over an hour singing the ditty again and again.

Ann Hathaway told a reporter the best thing about the Academy Awards was that they were over. “Now I can gain that god damn weight I lost for “Les Miz.” A cupcake should do it.”

Over in a corner an earnest Ang Lee was regaling a noticeably bemused audience. The best director was saying stuff no one could understand, as usual. His listeners were smiling and nodding, no doubt hoping he wasn’t saying anything offensive. Lee didn’t seem to notice their confusion and talked on and on with great animation. Off to the side, Ben  Affleck, winner for producing Best Picture “Argo” but snubbed for a Best Director nomination, snided, “There’s your Best Director. Brilliant conversationalist, no? You could learn from that guy…if you spoke pigeon English.”

At the buffet, catered by celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck, trays filled with hundreds of tiny things that nobody knew what they were went largely ignored by the consciously skinny crowd. At one end of the table little cards described such treats as Malaysian sea worm with truffles, toadstool cakes with eckleberry compote and truffles, braised bison testicles on roasted banana skins with truffles, and chopped lobster antennae on barley toast with truffles. Where, oh where, were the chicken lips?

 

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Posted on March 1, 2013, in Nearly News and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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