Romney to Debate Ryan on Budget
BOSTON, Massachusetts (FNS) After issuing denials for months that the Ryan budget was the Romney budget, an apparently fed up Mitt Romney announced through a spokesman that not only was his budget different but that he would debate Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan at a time and place to be announced. Senior campaign advisor Don Taskmie explained, “The governor is sick and tired of answering questions about ‘the Ryan Plan’ and ‘the Ryan Budget.’ He has said over and over that while he has the greatest respect for his running mate and admires the budget he has put forward, it is not the Romney Budget. We hope this debate will show that clearly.”
Besides Romney himself, the only other human being to have seen the Romney Budget is wife Ann. She describes it this way: “I don’t know much about this budgetary business, to tell the truth, but Mitt explained it all to me. Actually, it’s a wonderful budget. It lowers taxes for everybody. It provides jobs for everyone except busy housewives and lazy people. It completely eliminates the deficit, and it builds the military up to where it should be. It also saves Social Security and Medicare forever. I could hardly believe it, it’s so good. It really is a magical thing.”
Presidential historian Dr. Ann T. DeLuvian notes that this is the first time a presidential candidate has ever debated his own running mate. “There have been debates between eventual running mates, but they have always come during the primary battles. Ronald Reagan and George W.H. Bush in 1981 is one example. But this is a first, a real curiosity, for two men running together to engage each other in debate. It has the potential to be a real disaster.”
The Obama campaign was quick to pounce. Senior spokeswoman Eileen Riteward told reporters, “While this may be an intriguing exercise, fraught with amusing possibilities, it is not the debate we wanted. The debate we’re looking for is Governor Willard Mitt Romney to debate Presidential Candidate Willard Mitt Romney.”
Then Governor Romney could promote his Massachusetts healthcare bill. He could defend his pro-gay rights position which he described as more gay-friendly than his then-opponent Sen. Ted Kennedy. He could explain his pro-choice position and overall favorability towards women’s health issues. And he could tell America why he stood for allowing a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants.
Next, Candidate Romney could tell us why the Affordable Care Act, which he calls ‘Obamacare’ is so evil. He could go on defining marriage as only between a man and a woman. He could tell us why women should not be allowed to terminate a pregnancy. And he could explain the wisdom of ‘voluntary deportation’ by denying employment to the undocumented.
“That would be a debate I’d pay to see.” said Ms. Riteward, “Put it on pay-per-view.”
Posted on September 28, 2012, in Nearly News and tagged BOSTON, humor, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, nearly news, Paul Ryan, Romney, Ronald Reagan, Ted Kennedy, United States. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.