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U.K./U.S. Breakup: What Happened?

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia & LONDON, England (FNS) According to U.S. President Barack Obama, the news came out of nowhere. “I thought we were getting along so well. I thought we had a great future together. I didn’t expect this at all.” What the President was talking about was the sudden split between the United Kingdom and the United States. It began with a late night phone call, Thursday, August 29th. As the President answered the phone he heard the voice of the British Prime Minister on the other end. “We have to talk,” said David Cameron, uttering the dreaded phrase that has preceded breakups for generations. Obama admits to feeling a knot in his stomach immediately. “I could tell by his words and his tone of voice that something was terribly wrong. But I kept hoping it wouldn’t be anything final,” said the President. But it wasn’t to be. “I won’t drag this out,” said Cameron, “I owe you that much. I respect you enough to give it to you straight. I’m afraid this isn’t working out.” The President tried desperately to hold on. “We can change,” he said, “We can talk this out. I’m sure we can make it work.” But Cameron was firm. “It’s not about you,” he replied, uttering the phrase first said by Henry VIII to Ann Boleyn. “It’s us. We need time to think. I’m not saying it’s absolutely, finally over. But we need some time. We need some space. I’m sorry.” Trying to hold onto the last shred of his dignity, the teary eyed Obama said he understood. “I suppose I should have seen this coming. I mean, we never talk anymore. And you always seem busy when I try to get together. Let me ask you this: is there someone else?” “No, it isn’t that. There isn’t anyone,” replied the PM. “I mean it’s not like we’re going with anyone. But I think it’s best if we both see other countries.” After insisting that the U.S. would be waiting should the U.K. change its mind the President bid the PM goodbye saying, “We have such great memories together. I’ll always cherish them, whatever you finally decide.”

June 22, 2013 Board of Directors Monthly Open Meeting

by Buz Whelan

After the usual pledge to the flag and acceptance of the previous meeting’s minutes (with the standard minor corrections) President Al Leslie gave his message. Prefacing his remarks with the call for a short meeting due to a scheduled party and his not feeling well, he admonished the community in general to eschew rumor-mongering and instead go directly to the source of the concern. He pointed out that the GM is readily available as are the various directors.

During an unusually brief Treasurer’s Report, Earl Frank pointed to an article in the Pocono Record that indicated approximately 66% of Pocono Mountain West High School students were receiving some form of public assistance. This would have some explanatory value, he said, in understanding why delinquencies are running so high.

General Manager Allen Roth informed the room that the deadline for the special July edition of the Emerald News is Tuesday, June 25th. This issue will have the candidate bios and campaign statements.

Deadlines come and go, and bog removal in East and West Emerald Lakes is a sure example of that. This issue has been tossed around for at least two years, maybe more, and today GM Roth informed us that the June 20th date for work initiation had been missed. Contacting Joe Gallagher of Ecological Solutions, the firm hired to do the removal, he was informed that it was preferable to wait until the bogs rose to the surface of the lake, since their appearance would ease removal. Last year the bogs appeared early, in late June, due to an unusually mild spring and early summer. But in 2011, a more typical year weatherwise, the bogs did not appear in East Emerald Lake until the third week in July and West Emerald Lake in early August. Adding to the confusion was the memory of some members that last year we were told that it was easier to remove the bogs before they surfaced.

The GM also reported that with the beaches open the hot dog wagon would be making appearances and the Snack Shack at the outdoor pool is open.

During Committee Reports, the recommended changes to the collection procedures were discussed, and a recommendation that the board begin preparing for a Special Meeting in late October or early November was made. The purpose of the meeting would be to ask for a dues increase. The manager’s recommendation of a three-year program with increases of $60, $50 & $40 respectively was noted in the recommendation.

Under Old Business the board approved a resolution for payment of the repairs to the outdoor pool, in the amount of $13,700. The 2012/2014 budget, recently passed, contains a line item of $20,000 for outdoor pool repair. This was an estimate, since the precise scope of work could not be known until the repairs were well underway. The board also passed a resolution accepting the Finance and Planning Committee’s recommended changes to the collection procedure. When a delinquency first occurs, a 10% penalty will be attached and the entire amount of the Annual Dues remaining shall immediately become due.

Under New Business, the board approved the selection of Mark Davis as chairperson of the newly re-formed Real Estate Committee. The chair had been elected at the committee’s first meeting and he reported that the committee is made up of short and long term landlords, renters and non-leasing homeowners.

The board accepted the ad hoc Committee to Revise the Bylaws’ recommendations for changes to be put to a vote at the Annual Meeting in August. Among those that bring the document into congruence with already existing practice are recommendations to require a complete audit every year (as opposed to current bylaw for every fifth year), to extend appeal and payment deadlines for citations from 10 to 30 days and to eliminate from the bylaws reference to the moribund Campground Committee. The committee also recommended formalizing the process for replacing a mid-year board vacancy by going to the next highest vote getter at the previous Annual Meeting, then going to the next highest after that if the first next (is this getting confusing?) is unavailable. When all losing candidates have been exhausted, or if there weren’t any, the board may choose a replacement who would serve until the next Annual Meeting when a vote could be held to fill out the term, or select another director if the term is expiring.

During a discussion of roadside mowing, it was reported that the mower was expected to be repaired by early next week and mowing would then continue. The board also directed the GM to research the cost of a new mower, including choices of manufacturer, models and vendors. Should a new mower be purchased, the current one would become a backup.

During Public Comments Paul Capozzoli suggested sealing cracks in our roadways. He said that his research shows that we can significantly extend the life of any given road segment by doing this. He reported that he had spoken with individuals involved in county road maintenance and this is something that they do and recommend.

Pat Galderisi brought up the problem of chickens running loose in sections of the Estates. Of course, our Declarations forbid the keeping of livestock. Phyllis Shedlock said that she had observed chickens on Sage Road. After much joking about chickens crossing the road and so on, it was agreed that the GM would have the Code Enforcement Officer Ralph Musto investigate.

Progress on Cabaret ’35, to be held August 10 was also reported. It was underscored that this is to be a total night club experience not just another singing performance. Audience members are encouraged to come in period dress (‘20s & ‘30s) and prizes will be given. Tickets ($10 advance, $12at the door) are currently being sold at the Community Center.

 

 

Terror Plot Thwarted

!tp_prank_09[1]     CHICAGO, Illinois (FNS) A plot to cause mayhem at Chicago’s Taul Towers has been foiled in a joint operation by the CIA, NSA and FBI along with local Chicago police. The buildings, named after the Bigg & Taul haberdashery empire, were to be egged by terrorists flying in one man ultralight aircraft, too small to show up on radar. Behind the disgusting and dastardly plot were Jordanian immigrant Ligma Jentuls, Chechnyan Pulya Pansdown and Ivana Eecha, reported to be Pansdown’s girlfriend.

In a connected action suspected terrorists Ahbin Pharteen of Yemen, Chet Mapantz, an American convert to Islam, and Indonesian extremist Lee Kee Anoos were arrested when their plan to tee pee all the cherry trees on the Washington Mall was sniffed out by the highly-respected anti-terrorist Special Agent Al Keiter of the FBI. Agents are after Lou Stoole who apparently left tracks when he fled and is expected to be apprehended soon.

If you have any info on the whereabouts of the above or known affiliates Soon Al Dooya, Juwana Phoogmi, Khana Cuminya or Rubma Baltz contact the anti-terrorist hot line at 1-800-BIG-TIPS. All calls will be handled confidentially by Special Agent Mike Hunt. Please do not tie up line with trivial calls. Mike Hunt only wants big tips.

Boehner Weeps Over Recovering Economy

Official portrait of United States House Speak...

Official portrait of United States House Speaker (R-Ohio). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

     WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (FNS) House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner wept openly following a press conference called by House Democrats to draw attention to the U.S. improving economic outlook. “I can’t stand it,” the speaker was overheard saying to associates, “We were so close. Everything was crappola, perfect for us. And that damn asshole Romney blew it. What are we going to do now? The Dow is at an all-time high. Consumer confidence is up. Unemployment is dropping like a rock. If this keeps up there’ll be no bad news to run on. Talk about bad luck.”

     Spotting the reporters nearby, Boehner press aide Mike Rafone excitedly explained that what the speaker meant was that the economy only looks good. There is danger lurking in the numbers. “People see these numbers and they begin to believe Obama knows what he’s doing. They start to think his policies are working. Next thing they’ll want to raise taxes. “Raise taxes on the rey-ich. Raise taxes on the rey-ich.” They sound like Gomer hollering at Barney. “Citizen arrey-est. Citizens arrey-est.”

     According to RNC Chairperson Dunce Primus, “We need distraction. We can’t let Americans focus on the economy and employment. We need investigations and hearings, things like that. Drag out the Benghazi thing. Blow up the IRS focus on Tea Party groups. The main thing is to make Obama look bad and make Hillary unelectable for 2016. If we can’t get the economy to tank, this stuff is next best.

     Returning to Boehner, the speaker lamented, “We’re the party of God. We’re the Christian right, for God’s sake. We’re a prayerful group and I pray for a downturn nightly, that we Republicans might prevail in the mid-term elections. But day after day we get more and more good economic news. Sometimes I wonder just whose side God is on.”

“Miraculous” Image Seen on Statue

023/365 Gourmet French Toast

023/365 Gourmet French Toast (Photo credit: Zoe MacLean)

 

     DRY CREEK, New Mexico (FNS) Thousands of believers are flocking to the home of Maria Elena Antonia de la Montoya in this sleepy, sparsely populated New Mexico hamlet to view a mysterious image that has appeared in the folds of an outdoor religious statue. Many swear they can clearly make out the unmistakable form and coloring of a piece of French toast. “I seen it with my own eyes,” says Al Zymer of nearby Shimmering Heat, “It’s a message from God. Breakfast is the most important meal. Make sure you eat it.”

The statue is located in the front yard and apparently was stained by water overflowing from the drainpipe above. A small, squarish, mottled yellow and brown stain has been imprinted on the folds of the statue’s gown. Religious zealots, breakfast lovers and nutritionists crowd around daily, many feeling validated by the event. “I’ve been telling people to eat a good breakfast for over 20 years,” says nutritionist  Vera Blande-Dyatt, “Now I feel like someone above is telling everyone I was right.”

The question remains, though, is this really an image of French toast or just a randomly-patterned water stain. Skeptics are in full throat on this. Danish phenomenologist Dr. Hedden der Klowd poses the question this way: “Do you want it to be French toast? Then it is. Do you only see a stain? Then for you there is no breakfast depicted. Believers see; cynics doubt. That’s the way of the world. You see what you want to see. Ever see Tiera del Fuego? Ever see the inside of a septic tank? No? That’s my point. You see what you want to see.” Of course, this clears nothing up. Decide for yourself. View the picture on page 13 and make up your own mind.

Romney to Debate Ryan on Budget

     BOSTON, Massachusetts (FNS) After issuing denials for months that the Ryan budget was the Romney budget, an apparently fed up Mitt Romney announced through a spokesman that not only was his budget different but that he would debate Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan at a time and place to be announced. Senior campaign advisor Don Taskmie explained, “The governor is sick and tired of answering questions about ‘the Ryan Plan’ and ‘the Ryan Budget.’ He has said over and over that while he has the greatest respect for his running mate and admires the budget he has put forward, it is not the Romney Budget. We hope this debate will show that clearly.” Read the rest of this entry

Emerald Lakes- In It To End It- Cancer Awareness Day

June Solla

On Saturday, October 6, 2012, The Emerald Lakes Community Center will be host to the Cancer Awareness Day Events.  This day is dedicated to bringing awareness and help to those who need it and to  creating a world with less cancer and MORE birthdays! Saving lives begins with one act, one participant and one dollar at a time. Please, come out and support this worthy cause.

Events

Breakfast- 9am to11am, – $7.00 adults ,6-12yo $3.50, under 6yo free
Crush Cancer Car Wash 12pm-3pm – $5/cars $7/trucks/SUV

Basketball Games 3pm- entry fee-$
Tricky Tray Raffle -$1/ticket.- Tickets will be sold all day- drawing at 6:30pm (winner does not have to be present but name & phone # must be on tickets),

PLUS – Music ,Fun Games , Crafts, Presentations by American Cancer Society,Breast Friends Of Monroe County and The American Lung Association.Those attending the American Lung Association presentation will be able to receive a “free” Radon Testing Kit (limited quantities).

Drinks  and Dinner Special.

Beat Cancer Bingo Fundraising Special-7:30pm

For One Night Only – Smoking will not be allowed in the building. You may still go outside to the designated smoking areas to enjoy yourself.

 

HOA Horror Stories – Cautionary Examples for ELA

Lola Lauri

The decisions made by the Emerald Lakes Boards of the past and present have been the subject of many conversations on our Facebook page.  The bylaws revisions were soundly defeated, there is much debate over the new fee for putting our boats into the water, and who can forget the great “cover your propane tank” rule that cost many homeowners hundreds of dollars before it was finally deemed a failure?   HOA’s are notoriously difficult to manage, and are often managed by fools.  This is not an Emerald Lakes’ problem, it is actually quite widespread.  I found some interesting HOA horror stories to share with you all. Some are funny, some are tragic, and many remind me of things that have happened here in our community.  Click on the link below and tell me if you notice the similarities too:

http://gawker.com/5830257/the-horror-of-homeowners-associations

 

Agenda for the Aug. 25th Annual Meeting

Update: (8/21/12): There has been an issue raised about the legality of this agenda based on our Bylaws, Article VIII, Section 6.  We will publish an updated agenda if and when we receive one.  Also, we would like to remind ELA members that registration for voting is between 9:30 and 11 am and only registered members will be allowed to vote.

 

ANNUAL MEETING

August 25, 2012

 

 

Welcome to the 36TH Annual Meeting of the Association for 2012

 

 

ORDER OF BUSINESS

Running from the Floor?  Please bring nominating petitions to the Judge-of-Elections!

1.   Call to Order – 11:00 a.m. – Pledge of Allegiance / Introductions (Al Leslie, President of the Board of Directors)

2.   Re-state the Annual Meeting agenda – vote for By-Law changes – election of three (3) Directors

3.   Approve minutes of August 27, 2011

4.   Explanation of ballots – Maryann O’Leary, Chairman of Elections Committee (re-state procedure for running from floor)

5.   Meeting Ground Rules:

            a.   Robert’s Rules of Order and By-Laws govern;

            b.   Three (3) minutes will be allowed for each Board candidate and candidates running from the floor.

6.   Assign Sergeant-at-Arms

7.   Intro of Candidates (including from floor candidates) – Dale Wash, Chair, Nominating Comm.

8.   Candidates Statement (3 minutes max. each)

9.   Explanation of voting instructions – Carmen Brodnax, Judge-of-Elections

10. Opening of polls for Directors & By-Law Changes

11. Voting – Board of Directors & By-Law Changes

12. Manager’s Report (Allen Roth)

13. Financial Report – Earl Frank, Treasurer

14. Raymond Zavada, CPA – annual audit

15. George Hludzik, Esq. – collections

16. Presentation of Awards

17. Q&A – General Membership

            a.   Voting members must rise, give their name and lot number and be recognized before speaking;

            b.   Two (2) minutes allotted to each speaker (total of 4 speakers per issue during the Q&A)

18. VOTING Results

19. Announcements / Adjournment

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