Ten Predictions Absolutely 100% Guaranteed to Come True

MH900023547[1]     In December of each year I used to buy supermarket tabloids that featured predictions by expert psychics on what would occur in the coming year. There was usually something about Elvis being found alive, the queen abdicating in favor of her son, a cure for all forms of cancer and a miraculous appearance by some dead saint to warn the earth’s people about something evil afoot. I would save them for my Christmas party the following December and read them to gales of laughter. Nothing ever came true. Maybe I could do better, I often thought. So here are my predictions for the next 12 months or so. Save them and check me out next April 1st. 

1. The weather will change.

2. Lindsey Lohan will have a new legal problem.

3. A big-time Major League Baseball player will tear something, ending his season.

4. Joe Biden will say something stupid.

5. Donald Trump will say something stupid.

6. Prices will rise.

7. Kim Kardashian will be in the news for something not newsworthy.

8. Somebody really, really famous will die.

9. There will be a mass murder and NRA spokesman Wayne LaPierre will say that if more people had guns the tragedy could have been prevented.

10. The Pope will call for peace in the Middle East.

11. A professional athlete will apologize for a homophobic tweet.

12. President Obama will state that Iran absolutely, positively not be allowed to have nuclear weapons.

13. Iran will announce their nuclear program is peaceful and will continue.


Posted on April 26, 2013, in Nearly News and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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