Blog Archives
ATHEISTS NAME FIRST HOLIDAY
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BREAKING WIND, Colorado (FNS) It appears that at long last, atheists will have their first holiday. The
Atheist Coalition of Everywhere(ACE) has decreed December 27th as their first annual holiday. Coalition spokesperson Agnes Ticke explained, “We’re sick and tired of being the only people without holidays. Christians, Jews, Muslims, what have you, they all have them. There’s Christmas and Easter, Hanukkah and Passover, Ramadan, Festivus, and on and on. What have we got? Bupkis, that’s what. Until now. We are officially declaring December 27th 2012 as the first Big Atheist Holiday, or BAH. Maybe we’ll get a better name later. First things first. Our colors for the holiday will be the rainbow. Why not? Christmas is red and green. Hanukkah is blue and white. We’re all the colors. Also, the tradition of giving expensive presents begins immediately. Never mind ‘it’s the thought that counts.’ That one came from the cheapskates. Have expensive thoughts. And we’ll be writing songs about how good it is to be alive, because dead is nowhere.”
At an informal reception following the announcement ACE Vice President Alby Darnd told reporters that there will be other holidays coming. “We need something for the Spring to counteract Easter and Passover. I need to look up Christopher Hitchens’ birthday. Maybe we could celebrate that.”
Holiday Decorating Contest for ELA Residents
Looks good, doesn’t it? But don’t worry, it’s Lola’s house, so it’s not eligible to win.
We love the holidays, and we love the way so many of you have decorated your lawns and homes for the season. So the Emerald Lakes Free Press is hosting the First Annual Emerald Lakes Holiday Decorating Contest. Yes, “holidays”. Don’t pout because we didn’t say Christmas, because we will accept entries for any holiday you choose for your theme. You can even get out your Easter decorations and put them up. As long as they are actually out and on your lawn and house on the closing date of the contest, which is December 22, 2012, it is eligible to win.
And there ARE prizes. We have a lovely gift basket, full of wine and good things to eat. We have a gift certificate from our friends at the Speakeasy Lounge. We have chocolate. You know you want this stuff!
To enter, all you have to do is send a picture of the (outdoor) decorations from this year, and send it, along with the physical address of the home, here in Emerald Lakes (we will be driving around the check!), and the name of the homeowner or resident who did the decorating to emeraldnews@yahoo.com. We will post these as soon as we get to them, and the voting opens immediately, so enter as soon as you can. You can enter your own home, or nominate a neighbor, it’s all up to you.
To vote for your favorite, all you have to do is post a comment telling us which one you like best. On December 23, 2012, Buz and I will count the comments and decide who the winners are, and will announce them right here, that night.
(Here’s the legal stuff, feel free to stop reading if you don’t care: We will do our best to count the votes. We will try to count each email address only once. If we get multiple votes from the same email address, we will only count the last one we receive. If it gets really complicated, we will just give up and pick our favorites. If there is a tie, we will flip a coin. C’mon, it’s Christmas and we don’t have time to get into complicated math.)
So, get in the spirit and get decorating. We can’t wait to see what you have done.
“Party House” – Another Perspective
Lola Lauri
Last month, we reported here on the concerns of some of our 
residents regarding the behavior of the renters and owners at a few particular homes in our community. (Read about it here and here) These residents made their case at an open board meeting, and the board members and our GM have been investigating. The Emerald Lakes Free Press has been investigating too, and we have found, as in most situations in life, there are two sides to this story.
I spoke extensively to Cari and Eric Lovelace, the owners of one of these so-called “party houses”, and they have described their anguish and upset over this characterization of their home and of their supposed lack of concern for what goes on there and in ELA.
At the most recent board meeting, President Al Leslie reported that Read the rest of this entry
November 17, 2012 Open Board Meeting
by Buz Whelan
Highlights of the November open board meeting include the creation of two new ad hoc committees, one on renewable energy, the other on emergency planning. Both of the new committees are seeking members. If you’re interested in joining either or both, contact the board through the website.
During his message President Al Leslie reported that careful investigation has shown the ‘party house’ landlord has been complying with Emerald Lakes rules to the letter. Mr. Leslie suggested that any observed rules or law violations by renters should immediately Read the rest of this entry
Cat House Raided
ELDERVILLE, Pennsylvania(FNS) Acting on complaints from neighbors, county health officials raided a home in this small rural community. Inspectors were horrified to find a cat living with 31 elderly women. The cat, named Raymond, had no explanation for the conditions the officials found. “The smells were overpowering,” said Lt. Boris Tudeth of the Blather County Health Orifice. Read the rest of this entry
Staying Safe Throughout the Storm
EMERGENCY INFORMATION FOR HURRICANE SANDY
The following are useful links for information and assistance during the storm.
This website has a number of free publications and information for preparing and surviving during natural disasters, including information on how to prepare an emergency kit, how to protect your home, and how to prepare food without electricity: http://www.ready.gov/
Receive alerts for Monroe county on your phone or through your email account: https://monroe.alertpa.org/index.php?CCheck=1
“Party House” Major Focus of Board Meeting
October 27th Open Board of Directors Meeting
“Party House” Major Focus of Board Meeting
By Buz Whelan
Although the discussion didn’t begin until over an hour into the meeting, the grievances over a short-term rental house on West Emerald Lake produced the most passionate remarks during the October meeting. Beginning with Mark Davis’ opening statement, which was comprehensive, residents from the general area of the house spoke, one after the other, on the rental’s damaging effect on quality of life. Speaker after speaker cited littering, garbage dumping, loud parties, fireworks far into the night, and a septic system that is overtaxed and sure to fail at some point in the near future. The discussion went on for about 45 minutes and showed evidence of the strain on affected members’ nerves. Board President Al Leslie assured the distressed group that the association attorney is working to resolve the situation, but it was unclear what form that resolution would take.
Halloween Fun in ELA – Funhouse Pictures
Stefania Johnson
What an amazing production at the Funhouse (aka Community Center)! Four days of scary turns and twists that sent some running out the door even before the end of the tour!
She looks harmless, right?
Brave participants were greeted by The Evil Gypsy Fortune Teller, and then led past the friendly but tortured soul who just wanted new friends she could make look like her or her hollow-eyed doll. At every corner the scary clowns and mimes warned all to play fairly. They said they just wanted to be friends, but woe to those who said no, for they would suffer terrible consequences! All around was evidence of what happened to those who did not please them. Victims were jailed, tortured, beaten, stabbed by the Ring Master. There was Jack who didn’t stay in his “box” but instead came after visitors with his Chainsaw trying to chop up his the next meal! Through it all, there was a crazy Jester who would pop up in places that you would never imagine. The final stop on this terrible tour was the play room, where sadistic clowns were waiting for each group, trying to lock them in, making them beg for mercy before they were released, except for one young soul. She absolutely never left! We’ll see next year where she is found…or NOT.
Who We are NOT
Opinion
Lola Lauri
We got a letter this weekend, from the ELA Inc. board, and we have decided to just give them what they want, so they can sleep better at night and stop wasting money on this “non-problem”. But what are they so worried about? Here’s my take on what happened:
Since the ELA board just won’t play nice
They shelled out your cash for legal advice
On how to shut down the EL Free Press
That seeks to shed light on their ongoing mess.
It seems the lawyer said don’t overreach
We live in a land that values free speech.
The best you can do is send them a note,
And try to scare them. So they took a vote.
Then GM Roth got a paper and pen,
And asked us to say that we’re us and not them.
But just to be clearer, right on this spot
We’re gonna say ALL of the things that we’re not:
Emerald Lakes Free Press 